By Gary Barlow

Down the line
I know Barack Obama hasn’t quite won the White House yet but since this is Chicago, after all, I figure it’s time for Freeform to start looking ahead to what comes after Obama’s presidency.

The most obvious guess—at least to people familiar with Chicago politics—would be that President Obama resigns a few months before the end of his term and has his daughter appointed to succeed him by a committee of minor political figures on the South Side.

Of course, that depends on having a number of troublesome laws changed, not to mention amending the Constitution. That could be a pretty tall order even for Chicago guys who have eight years in power to fix things. For starters, Obama’s eldest daughter will only be 18 years old eight years from now. I know—Chicago politicians have found creative ways to bequeath power to way less qualified heirs than the teenage daughter of a president, so we shouldn’t count the little girl out just yet.

Of course, the whole issue could be put off for a decade or two if the guys figure out how to get rid of that two-term limit for presidents. Just on principle alone—Obama or not—Chicago pols have to shudder that anybody ever thought term limits was a good idea. These are guys, after all, who get to the Pearly Gates and complain that they really need to go back to the ward office and wrap up a few deals. “You know,” they implore St. Peter, “Those guys are gonna be pretty pissed if I don’t come through on that zoning thing.”

Anyway, like I said, the boys have eight years or so to take care of this. In the meantime, don’t be surprised to see President Obama’s daughters sitting in on a few security briefings and Middle East summits, at least long enough for the photographers to snap a picture or two.

Two heroes
A new poll by Zogby International, released last week by the Gay and Lesbian Leadership Institute, found that 60 percent of American voters would be comfortable electing an openly gay president.

Even more, 66 percent, would be OK with an openly gay vice president. Now I’m not sure what’s going through the minds of those six percent of voters—modern vice presidents start wars, set energy policy and shoot people, after all.

Anyway, I have to figure these poll results would hold up better for some candidates than others. Rosie, I think, wouldn’t win all those voters, for example, and Ellen would attract a lot of attack ads about her lack of foreign policy experience.

Melissa Etheridge would have her backers, for sure—she could always tap Bill Clinton as her running mate and do a rock star-style campaign tour.

Then there’s Harvey Fierstein, though I really see him as more of a VP type, and David Hyde Pierce, thoughtful but, given his experience, probably also more suited to being second banana.

Nathan Lane certainly has presidential possibilities—I think he could give a way more convincing “Mission Accomplished” speech than our current commander in chief—but don’t forget Jodie Foster. When she said, “Get the hell out of Georgia now,” don’t think for a second that the Russians would wonder if she really means it.

In fact, that’s my ticket: Jodie Foster and Nathan Lane, under the banner “You really want change?”

Paradise etc.
Finally, there was a story last week in the Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch about how that city’s gay bars are seeing more straight customers.

“Seated in a dimly lighted booth at Axis, a gay nightclub in the Short North, Jordan Harris and John Peters sip cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon as nearby speakers blast techno music,” the article begins.

OK—yes, we know more straight people are coming to our bars. In a poll last year 77 percent of the Advocate’s readers said gay bars ought to be able to ban straight people.

But that’s a different issue—just read that opening line again. The guys were drinking cans of Pabst in a gay bar. Yes, PBR! Heck, who knows—they probably just cost $2, too.

Now granted, along with the 5,000 vodkas or so we see on bar shelves now, some of our bars are offering a few more choices to beer drinkers. But I’m still holding out for a can of Pabst or a bottle of Schlitz somewhere on Halsted. Just put it on ice and give me a call, folks…